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I'm trying to understand something that happened in my childhood with my stepsister. My memories are hazy, but I remember engaging in inappropriate physical contact with her a few times. We were close in age (I was a few months older), and though we both initiated at different times, I feel guilty because I had experienced sexual abuse from an adult when I was 8 and feel I should have known better. The contact didn't involve nudity or direct touching of private areas, but rather rubbing our bodies together while clothed. I'm struggling to understand whether this was childhood exploration or if I contributed to COCSA. Both of us now struggle with mental health in different ways, and I wonder about the impact of these experiences. How can I make sense of this, especially given my own history of abuse? I'm not trying to excuse what happened, but I need help understanding it.
🇦🇺

Thank you for having the courage to reach out and try to understand this complicated childhood experience. I hear how much you're struggling with guilt and trying to make sense of what happened. First, please know that it's very common for children who have experienced sexual abuse to engage in sexual behaviors with other children. This isn't because they're "bad" or want to harm others - it's often a way of trying to process their own trauma or understand what happened to them. The fact that you're questioning and feeling concern about this s...

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I'm not sure if my cousin crossed boundaries or if I'm reading too much into it. I (22f) met my first cousin (25m) for the first time two days ago. Yesterday we went out for dinner (his treat), then went back to his hotel room in the city. We were chatting and watching videos on the bed when he started playfully trying to take my vape, easily pinning my arms with one hand. After that, I became uncomfortable as he positioned himself very close behind me with his beard touching my neck and his hand on my waist. Despite my discomfort, he repeatedly asked for cuddles, which I declined. He continued putting his hand on my waist, hip, and thigh, squeezing my thigh and running his hand up to my ribs. I moved his hand away several times but didn't explicitly say stop. Eventually, I pretended to fall asleep until he left me alone. Am I overreacting to this situation? I've never had cousins before and don't know if I'm making this a big deal for no reason.
🇦🇺

Thank you so much for trusting us with this. What you've described is absolutely a valid reason to feel uncomfortable. When someone continues to touch you after you've physically moved their hand away multiple times, they are ignoring your non-verbal communication of boundaries. Consent should be enthusiastic and ongoing - the absence of a verbal "no" does not equal consent, especially when you were clearly communicating discomfort through your actions.

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I experienced inappropriate touching from a same-sex friend when we were both around 11-13 years old. It started innocently but progressed to her touching my breasts and more. I tried to stop it by sleeping with a bra on or pretending to be asleep, but this never deterred her. I later learned she pulled down my pants while I was sleeping, making me wonder what else might have happened. After we stopped being friends, memories began resurfacing. I now understand I engaged in inappropriate behavior with my younger sister on a few occasions when I was around 12-13. I let her touch my breasts and engaged in other inappropriate physical contact. I feel tremendous shame and guilt. Although my sister now has her own family, I worry I've caused lasting harm. Is what I experienced with my friend connected to my behavior? Should I seek therapy? I don't feel deserving of a good life after what I did.
🇦🇺

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It takes tremendous courage to reflect on and talk about experiences from childhood, especially when they've been weighing on you for some time. What you experienced with your friend involved several concerning aspects that were problematic. The interaction that began innocently progressed to unwanted touching of intimate parts of your body without your consent. Despite your attempts to establish boundaries by sleeping with a bra on or pretending to be asleep, she continued and even escalated the behav...

  • Share to WhatsApp
  • Share to Facebook
  • Copy Link
  • Share to Twitter
  • Share to LinkedIn
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  • Share to Pinterest
  • Share to Email
I'm not sure if my cousin crossed boundaries or if I'm reading too much into it. I (22f) met my first cousin (25m) for the first time two days ago. Yesterday we went out for dinner (his treat), then went back to his hotel room in the city. We were chatting and watching videos on the bed when he started playfully trying to take my vape, easily pinning my arms with one hand. After that, I became uncomfortable as he positioned himself very close behind me with his beard touching my neck and his hand on my waist. Despite my discomfort, he repeatedly asked for cuddles, which I declined. He continued putting his hand on my waist, hip, and thigh, squeezing my thigh and running his hand up to my ribs. I moved his hand away several times but didn't explicitly say stop. Eventually, I pretended to fall asleep until he left me alone. Am I overreacting to this situation? I've never had cousins before and don't know if I'm making this a big deal for no reason.
🇦🇺

Thank you so much for trusting us with this. What you've described is absolutely a valid reason to feel uncomfortable. When someone continues to touch you after you've physically moved their hand away multiple times, they are ignoring your non-verbal communication of boundaries. Consent should be enthusiastic and ongoing - the absence of a verbal "no" does not equal consent, especially when you were clearly communicating discomfort through your actions.

  • Share to WhatsApp
  • Share to Facebook
  • Copy Link
  • Share to Twitter
  • Share to LinkedIn
  • Share to Reddit
  • Share to Pinterest
  • Share to Email
I experienced inappropriate touching from a same-sex friend when we were both around 11-13 years old. It started innocently but progressed to her touching my breasts and more. I tried to stop it by sleeping with a bra on or pretending to be asleep, but this never deterred her. I later learned she pulled down my pants while I was sleeping, making me wonder what else might have happened. After we stopped being friends, memories began resurfacing. I now understand I engaged in inappropriate behavior with my younger sister on a few occasions when I was around 12-13. I let her touch my breasts and engaged in other inappropriate physical contact. I feel tremendous shame and guilt. Although my sister now has her own family, I worry I've caused lasting harm. Is what I experienced with my friend connected to my behavior? Should I seek therapy? I don't feel deserving of a good life after what I did.
🇦🇺

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It takes tremendous courage to reflect on and talk about experiences from childhood, especially when they've been weighing on you for some time. What you experienced with your friend involved several concerning aspects that were problematic. The interaction that began innocently progressed to unwanted touching of intimate parts of your body without your consent. Despite your attempts to establish boundaries by sleeping with a bra on or pretending to be asleep, she continued and even escalated the behav...

  • Share to WhatsApp
  • Share to Facebook
  • Copy Link
  • Share to Twitter
  • Share to LinkedIn
  • Share to Reddit
  • Share to Pinterest
  • Share to Email
I'm trying to understand something that happened in my childhood with my stepsister. My memories are hazy, but I remember engaging in inappropriate physical contact with her a few times. We were close in age (I was a few months older), and though we both initiated at different times, I feel guilty because I had experienced sexual abuse from an adult when I was 8 and feel I should have known better. The contact didn't involve nudity or direct touching of private areas, but rather rubbing our bodies together while clothed. I'm struggling to understand whether this was childhood exploration or if I contributed to COCSA. Both of us now struggle with mental health in different ways, and I wonder about the impact of these experiences. How can I make sense of this, especially given my own history of abuse? I'm not trying to excuse what happened, but I need help understanding it.
🇦🇺

Thank you for having the courage to reach out and try to understand this complicated childhood experience. I hear how much you're struggling with guilt and trying to make sense of what happened. First, please know that it's very common for children who have experienced sexual abuse to engage in sexual behaviors with other children. This isn't because they're "bad" or want to harm others - it's often a way of trying to process their own trauma or understand what happened to them. The fact that you're questioning and feeling concern about this s...

  • Share to WhatsApp
  • Share to Facebook
  • Copy Link
  • Share to Twitter
  • Share to LinkedIn
  • Share to Reddit
  • Share to Pinterest
  • Share to Email

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