My "Love Story"

he broke up with me three months ago. At first I was heartbroken, cause we stayed together for nearly three years but recently I started to understand that wasn't love. That love is supposed to hurt you so bad, that one thing is strictly connected to the idea of love and that is: respect. Now that I'm started to see other guys I finally realize how sick was my relationship. I don't even know how to start or how to describe it, I can't remember certain things however I can relive how they made me feel. Some days were amazing, full of love, cuddles and sweet names. Others weren't. I remember that almost every time we were together he wanted me to suck his d**k even if I told no. He insisted, every time, and if I refuse he would go mad. So at the end he would have what he wanted. But I know that deeply inside him he knew that he was forcing me even if he never admit it. Somedays during sex he slapped me in the face even if we hadn't talked before or agreed to have a safe word. He, more than once, convinced me to do something I didn't like even if at the end I cried in front of him. And I could go on.. but I can't for now. I know that this isn't love but I feel guilty too. Because I've agreed to be treated that way.