This is a horrible journey for any person to go through. We all will heal on our own time, in our own terms, through our own processes. It is a hard journey to travel through but try to find a community around you that can help you through all of this. People who will pick you up, people who will not let you fall, people who will hold your hand and continue to check in and make sure that what is happening is safe for you to go through. If I did not have my friends throughout this journey, it would be a harder process for me. Find your family (either biological or the family that you have created because we all need that), find a community around you of people who are there for you. In order to heal we need safe spaces; we need people who love us checking in on us. You can do this. You can start the process of healing. It has taken me 22 years to finally want to confront the reality of what happened to me as a child and at this point I am ready to fully confront those things. I am a decidedly logical person who wants answers to questions that will never get answers, and there just are not answers when you have gone through this type of trauma. In order to heal you need to do what is good for you, not for anyone else. Do this for you.